FIC: No One Will Be Watching Us (Kirk/McCoy, NC-17)

[the_water_clock]

Author: Clio
Title: No One Will Be Watching Us
Pairing: Star Trek: James Kirk/Leonard McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jim misbehaves a little, but he has his reasons. And once Bones hears them, he has to agree.
Length: 2700 words
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created by Gene Roddenberry and owned by one of the large media companies in a complicated arrangement to which I am not a signatory. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Notes: Written during Shore Leave at the st_respect Ship Battle, for the "Spank a Captain/Kiss an XO" prompt. So there's literal captain spanking, somewhat birthday-related since it was also our team_jones captain sangueuk's actual birthday. As for kissing XO blcwriter, well, look at the rating. And on top of that, there are plenty of shout outs to various ships in the battle.
Amazingly and expertly beta'd by kitsune13, who knew exactly how to turn it from a rambling series of comments into a story that made sense, and evil_erato, who is basically required to read all the porn I write. Thank you ladies, so much, and thanks a ton to team_jones for the encouragement!

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"Do you ever miss them?" Jim asks, apropos of fuck-all.

"Miss what," Bones replies, not looking up from his padd. It was after shift, after dinner, and they were having a companionable drink before bed. Bones only had one report left to look over, and he was tired and not exactly in the mood for Jim's tendency to skip over the antecedents of his pronouns.

"Breasts."

"I never had them," Bones said. "Didn't develop them for some reason. Oh, wait, lack of estrogen, that's right." He shook his head.

"You know what I mean," Jim said. "Do you?"

"Not as such, no," Bones replied. He looked up then, and narrowed his eyes. "You're thinking about Janice and Christine again, aren't you?"

"Um, maybe?"

Bones put his padd down on the table. "You know what I told you would happen if you kept thinking about them. It's offensive."

"It's hot!" Jim protested.

"Jim, they're not fucking so they can be your personal head porn, or until you decide to show up and fuck them both. They're fucking because they fell in love. Show some goddamned respect."

"I am, by respecting how hot they must be. C'mon, Bones, thinking about them doesn't mean I'm being offensive. Frankly now that Janice is getting some she's all glow-y and she lets me get away with more."

"You get away with enough as it is," Bones said. "Almost makes me want to get Christine to break up with her."

"That isn't funny," Jim replied.

"Wasn't meant to be," Bones said.

"Seriously, I get it. I mean, Jan came in this morning with flowers in her hair that Christine gave her. Flowers, Bones. In her hair."

"What color were they?"

"Red and blue."

"Huh," Bones replied. "That's kind of adorable."

"I know, right?" Jim said. "So I'd say I'm being totally respectful."

"Maybe," Bones allowed. "But last time, you agreed to these terms, so I'm gonna have to follow through."

Jim scowled. "Fine," he said, "but only because we're off duty tomorrow. And you have to let me plead my case, after."

"You mean you haven't yet?"

"Haven't even started," Jim replied as he stood up from the table.

"You want to do this now?" Bones asked.

"Yeah," Jim said. "I mean, you're done, aren't you."

Bones looked down at the padd. "Yeah," he said, signing off on the report. He stood to move the chair away from the table and watched Jim taking off his boots. "Leave the shirt on."

Jim looked up and smiled. "Pervert," he said.

Bones shrugged. "Pot, kettle," he replied, sitting back down.

Jim lined up his boots by the door, and put his socks and trousers in the laundry chute. "Okay."

"Okay, Jim," Bones said. "Why are we doing this?"

Jim sighed, relaxing his shoulders and shaking out his arms. "We're doing this because the last time I talked to you about Jan and Chris, you felt that I was being disrespectful and kinda creepy, and you didn't want me to do it again. So I agreed to this." He paused, and then said, "And also because it's hot."

Bones rolled his eyes. "You are impossible to punish."

"Yeah," Jim said, assuming the position across Bones's lap. "I've heard that a lot."

"Relax, Jim," Bones said.

"Easy for you to say," he replied.

Bones laid his arm across Jim's back, just below his shoulder blades, and patted Jim's behind with his other hand. He wasn't sure why Jim preferred to wear standard-issue white briefs with his uniform; he never wore them with his civvies. It wasn't a regulation, but he'd done it since they started at the Academy. Once he'd said they were part of the "captain drag" but that didn't make much sense to Bones, either; Jim of all people didn't need anything to get him in the mindset. But the briefs were kind of hot in an old-fashioned all-American sort of way, perfect for occasions such as this.

Jim was still bracing himself. "It's harder for both of us when you tense up," Bones said, running his hand along Jim's spine to soothe him.

"Hard?" Jim asked. "You aren't about to—Ow, damnit!"

"I said relax," Bones said, as innocently as he could.

Jim sighed, annoyed, but Bones could finally feel his muscles unclench. He started again, silent now that Jim was; the only sound was of Bones's palm hitting Jim's cotton-covered ass in a slow, steady rhythm. After the first few Jim got into it, too. He'd try to slide away from the hit, though Bones's other arm kept him from going far. But as Bones pulled back to swat him again, Jim would push back into it, arching his back and rounding his behind, almost inviting Bones's slap.

Bones paused after twenty swats. He could feel Jim's cock hard against his thigh, and was sure Jim could feel his, but Jim was being a bit quieter than usual. "You okay there?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jim said, though his voice, usually cocky, trembled a little.

"Almost done," Bones said. He continued, steady and sure, until he got to twenty-eight. When he finished Jim was boneless and panting on his lap, obviously trying not to squirm. Bones stroked his bottom just a little, feeling the heat there, excited to think of what the skin looked like now. "Okay."

"Okay," Jim whispered, rising to his feet. His face was red and his eyes were bright with unshed tears.

Bones started to get up, but Jim put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. He took off his own shirt and undershirt, then sank to his knees in front of Bones and started to take off his boots.

"Jim?" Bones asked, because Jim dutifully taking off Bones's clothes wasn't the usual routine.

"I wasn't going to tell you," he rasped, then cleared his throat as he slid off Bones's boots and socks. He set the boots next to his own. "But I figured a little pain was better than not telling you something I was thinking. And you should know, I think about everyone, not just Christine and Janice."

"I know that," Bones said, lifting his arms so Jim could take his shirts off. "I know you fantasize about damn near everyone you meet. That's just who you are."

"No," Jim said. "I mean, yeah, I do, but that wasn't what I meant." He unfastened Bones's fly and Bones lifted up his hips so Jim could pull off his trousers and boxers. "I meant, I think about them together."

"Together?" Bones asked, watching as Jim put their clothes in the laundry chute.

"Come on," Jim said, and lead Bones over to the bed.

Bones sat on the mattress, leaning his back against the headboard, and Jim settled into his lap, still wearing his briefs. Bones's hands started around Jim's waist, but they drifted down to cup his still-warm behind. Odd how even though Jim had been stripping Bones, his little ritual was like banking a fire, and the sex seemed off in the fuzzy distance instead of urgent as it usually was after a spanking.

Jim was running his fingers along Bones's biceps, thinking for a moment before he spoke. "Sure, I've thought about fucking Spock, and that would be awesome, but I've also thought about what he's up to with Nyota on the other side of that wall. I mean, they look hot just standing next to each other, so. And I've thought about you with Spock, too, though you mostly seem to bitch each other into submission." He smiled a little. "You'd need me there to keep the peace, probably."

Bones smiled back. "I'd imagine so," he said.

"Or like, Chekov and Sulu? Those two are almost as adorable as Janice and Christine. Or, don't be mad, but you and Chekov? It's like a hot daddy thing."

Bones rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. "You have a hot daddy thing. You've had a crush on Admiral Pike for as long as I've known you."

"Pike is hot, Bones," Jim said, wagging a finger at him. "Admit it, you'd totally do him."

"Pike is a handsome man, yes," Bones allowed.

Jim smiled, pleased, and wriggled slightly in Bones's lap. "Anyway, Pike and his old Number One? Have you seen the way they look at each other?"

"Worst-kept secret in the Fleet," Bones replied.

"And Scotty and Chekov, when they start talking about teleporters and they get excited and their voices go up several octaves and you're not sure they're even speaking Standard anymore?"

"I try to avoid those conversations," Bones admitted, "but I can see what you're getting at. Isn't he dating Gaila or something? What are they doing?"

Jim shrugged. "Gaila's kind of, flexible? She's not big on monogamy, really."

"Huh," Bones said. "Well, you would know."

"That was another lifetime," Jim said. He paused, and ran a hand down Bones's chest. "And you know, sometimes, when you're not here? I think about you."

"Yeah?" Bones asked.

"I think about coming into this room and seeing you on this bed, with Nyota, or Christine, fucking them right here on our bed, and it's hot, Bones. Seeing some girl's legs wrapped around you." Jim's finger circled Bones's nipple, and breathing got just a little harder. "And hey, maybe I'd get the leftovers, you know? I'd totally fuck Janice."

"I know that," Bones replied.

"I'd fuck Spock, too, but he probably only bottoms for Nyota."

"Wow, Jim, you do think about this. Jesus, why don't you just get us all in a big pile."

"You know, I totally would, like, some shore leave," Jim said, grinning. "For morale purposes only, of course."

"Oh, of course," Bones said, pursing his lips.

Jim laughed. "I love it when you do that," he said, leaning in and giving him a smooch. "But Spock probably wouldn't share."

"Not likely," Bones agreed.

"And Sulu wouldn't share," Jim said. "Which is too bad because I would hit that. Sulu, I mean."

"He's surprisingly strong," Bones said.

"Exactly." He moved his hands to Bones's face then, cupping his cheeks. "But mostly, I wouldn't do it because you won't share."

"Not on your life," Bones replied, and they kissed then—really kissed for the first time that evening. Bones was just getting into it, thinking Jim was done talking, when he pulled away.

"Oh, I almost forgot the actual argument," Jim said.

"That wasn't it?" Bones asked. "Because you've come up with almost every permutation—"

"But my defense is," he said, "that I think about them, sure, but they are definitely thinking about us."

Bones raised an eyebrow. "Us? Maybe you, Jim, but—"

"Leonard," Jim said, and Bones was quiet. "Did I ever tell you that before we got together, or at least, before people knew we were together, sometimes they'd talk about you around me?"

"No," Bones said.

"They see you in the gym, Bones," Jim said, sliding a hand along Bones's shoulder. "They see you working out, your muscles bulging; they see these legs of yours as you're running on the track. And this is Starfleet—we're all a bunch of nerds around here, really, and they see you being all super competent doctor in sick bay and they think that's hot, too."

"Well," Bones said.

Jim cocked his head. "They called you 'Doctor Dreamy.'"

Bones scowled. "They did not."

Jim grinned. "Ask Christine. She hated it."

"Hmph," Bones said.

"Anyway Nyota said something to me once, that made me think that she wonders what happens on the other side of her wall, too," Jim said. "And then the other day, well—you have to promise not to say anything about this."

"Okay," Bones said, suspicious.

"The other day Janice asked me if one of us tops all the time or if we go back and forth."

"She what?"

"Well, okay, I think she was trying to figure out, you know, her own thing with Christine, so it was really informational? But then we had a whole chat about it. It was kinda cool. I think we really bonded."

"Yeah, at my expense!"

"Nah," Jim said. "You came off really well in that conversation, believe me."

Bones grunted.

"Anyway, who's she going to tell except Christine, who probably already knows anyway because I know you two are thick as thieves and hey, I don't care."

"It's unprofessional, Jim."

"Yeah, well, it happens. And that's why I was thinking about it today, and I figured it was worth it, to let you know. So are you going to?"

"Going to what?"

"Fuck me!" he said, as if it was obvious. "I mean, we've been sitting here talking about sex—"

"You've been talking about sex."

"You've been listening! And then before that," Jim said, gesturing vaguely in the air.

"About that," Bones said, "you're gonna have to take off your briefs some time, you know. God damned tease."

"You love it," Jim said, getting up off the bed. "It's your favorite part. Always save the best for last, Bones."

Bones scowled. "Get a move on," he said.

Jim opened the drawer, handing Bones the lube. And then, finally, he took off his briefs and laid down on his stomach on the bed.

"About time," Bones said, stroking Jim. Jim was right; it was his favorite part, seeing him lying there, legs spread slightly, asking for it. Jim's behind was red but not bruised, and still a little warm. He rubbed the skin a little, and Jim hummed—this was his favorite part, too, and he refused to let Bones put on any kind of analgesic cream until after. Bones put some lube on his fingers and then stroked again, down in the valley between Jim's legs and then into the little hole there, and Jim moaned, spreading his legs more. "You like that?" Bones asked.

"More," Jim said.

"Still thinking about anyone else?" Bones asked, scissoring his fingers and pressing them in deeper.

"Don't have to," Jim said. "You're here."

Bones stopped, startled at Jim's words, then pulled his fingers out and slicked his cock. He lifted Jim up onto his knees and slid in. "You can, you know. If you want to."

Jim had pushed himself up on his elbows, and turned to look at Bones. "I can tell you what Jan said."

Bones nodded.

"Her old girlfriend fucked her with a strap-on," Jim said, "and she wasn't sure how to ask Christine to do that. So she asked me what we did, and how we worked it out."

"And that turned you on?"

"Not at the time," Jim said. "After. I started thinking about Christine fucking Janice afterward."

"Tell me," Bones said.

"Um, Janice would be kneeling like this."

"Like you are for me."

"Like I am for you," he said. "Only all that hair would be all over the place."

"Blond like you," Bones said.

"And her tits would be swaying."

Bones reached his hands down, fingering Jim's nipples. "Christine would grab those tits," Bones said.

"Oh god," Jim said. "Fuck me, god, fuck me, Christine."

Bones was leaned all the way over now, pressed against Jim's back. "So wet, Jan," he said. "You're, god, you're so wet."

Jim was into it now, Bones could tell; he was moving just a little differently. "Please, Chris."

"What do you need, Jan?" Bones asked.

"Touch me," he said. "Touch my—touch my clit, please, I can't come if you don't."

Bones moved one hand back to Jim's cock. "Like this, baby?" he asked, stroking it.

"Just like that," Jim said. "Oh, god, just like that," and he was coming, gasping with it, hitting him hard after all that build up.

Bones pulled his hands back to Jim's hips and pounded into him, really pounded, imagining Jan's wide curves but also seeing Jim's reddened ass before him and it didn't take him much longer before he was emptying himself into Jim.

They collapsed onto the bed, Bones slipping out of Jim and rolling over onto his back next to him. "Wow," Jim said.

Bones nodded. "Yeah."

"Next time," Jim said, "can I be Chekov and call you daddy?"

"Only if I'm Pike," Bones replied.

"Mmm," Jim said. "I hadn't thought of that. You have the best ideas, Doctor Dreamy."

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