the_water_clock: abstract painting (Untitled (Seagram Mural) 1959)
[personal profile] the_water_clock
Author: Clio
Title: Tea Time
Pairing: Harry Potter: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, with Harry/Hermione in the background
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Harry and Hermione certainly are the loudest of lovemaking teenagers. Sirius and Remus decide to teach them a lesson in sex etiquette.
Length: 1300 words
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Notes: This was written for the Veela Famous Last Words challenge. It follows off the universe of Eight Ways from Sunday and is an opener of sorts to the planned sequel, but you certainly needn't have read EWFS to understand this fic. Thanks to Nancy for the beta and Ruby for a very good line.

"This is unbearable," Sirius muttered. "We must do something."

"What do you suggest?" Remus asked with a sigh. "We've already spoken to them both, several times."

"Throw them out?"


"What? They're out of school now! They can—" He was cut off by a female voice from the bedroom above squealing, "Harry! Do that again!"

Sirius moved to get off the couch, but Remus' outstretched legs stopped him. "Padfoot, you can't storm up there and yell at them. It won't do any good."

The other man growled. "We can't even enjoy a cozy Sunday morning! It is my right as an Englishman to lay on my couch, with my lover's legs in my lap, and do the Times crossword in peace! I tell you, something must be done!"

"Do calm down. We'll think of something."

"What? Harry and Hermione have been out of school for all of six weeks and they have spend the whole of it fucking like rabbits without any consideration to the other inhabitants of this house. Nothing we have said will make them understand that the silencing charm is not just for school." Sirius stopped when he saw a familiar smile on Remus' face. "Moony? I know that look. You have an idea, don't you?"

Remus grinned more widely. "Nothing we have said has stopped them, so perhaps it's time we did something."

"Something like?"

"Giving them a taste of their own medicine should do the trick."

Sirius shuddered. "Isn't that a bit extreme? It's that sort of thing makes a lad go blind, or mad, or both."

"He defeated the Dark Lord. I think he can handle hearing his guardians having sex."

At that moment, the ward in question yelped, "God, Hermione, that feels so good."

"Can we do it today?" Sirius asked.

Just before tea time, Sirius and Remus wandered into their sunny kitchen and stood near the counter.

"This is so . . . deliberate," Sirius said, backing into the corner and pulling himself up onto the countertop.

"Of course it is," Remus replied, advancing toward him with a grin. "But that's never stopped you before."

"I've never performed for an audience!" Sirius protested.

Remus shook his head. "Sure you have," he said as he ran his hands along the other man's thighs. "Remember that time right after school, when we moved into that little flat near Tooting, and you—"

"I don't think that counts!" Sirius interrupted. He placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and pulled him closer, so that he stood between Sirius' legs, and Sirius wrapped his legs around him. Then he slid his hands up to cup Remus' face and leaned down to give him a deep kiss, the sort of kiss that promised more. "Mmm," he said. "So sexy."

Remus grinned a little. He clutched Sirius about the waist and they began to kiss, each man shamelessly grinding his pelvis into the other. Their chests rubbed together and Sirius clenched his legs tighter, drawing Remus even closer. They broke the kiss, breathless, then Remus said, "We're supposed to be making noise."

"Right, sorry," Sirius said. Remus stepped back slightly and held out his hand and Sirius took it, slipping down from the counter and walking over to the large wooden table in the middle of the kitchen. He bent over it, bracing his arms against the sides of the table.

Remus walked up behind him and slowly pulled Sirius' black robe up, bunching the fabric at the waist. He smiled to see that Sirius was wearing nothing at all beneath them and ran his hands along the soft skin of the upper thighs and buttocks that were displayed before him. Sirius moaned slightly, arching into Remus' touch.

"Louder, you have to be louder," Remus reminded him. He pulled his hands away to unfasten the front of his robe so it hung loose and open from the waist down. Sliding his wand from its sleeve pocket, he performed the lubrication spell with extra emphasis and flourish, not only so that he could be heard but also to give Sirius a bit more comfort for what would be something of a quick fuck. Sirius, meanwhile, had spread a tea towel in front of him lest they get anything on the table itself.

Then he placed his hands on Sirius again, one sliding between his legs to fondle his testicles and the hardening cock above them, the other slipping a finger into the puckered opening so lewdly displayed. Sirius arched his back again, pushing against the invading fingers, but this time his moan was much louder. "OH REMUS!" he yelled. "How is that?" he whispered.

"Good volume," Remus muttered back, "but be more descriptive. MOVE THAT ARSE FOR ME, DARLING!"

"OPEN ME UP; IT FEELS SO GOOD!" Sirius shouted, then, "Actually, you could add another finger, Remus; I'm ready."

Remus complied, while his other hand slid along Sirius' cock. "YOU'RE GETTING HARD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT, AREN'T YOU? Sorry, that was a bit cheesy."

Sirius sort of shrugged and said, "It's true." He felt Remus add a third finger and shouted, "ENOUGH, REMUS, JUST FUCK ME ALREADY!"

Remus, duly ordered, slid his hands from Sirius' arse and cock, and taking his own cock in one hand and Sirius' hip in the other, began to slide slowly into him. "OOH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT!"

Sirius clenched his arse for effect. "If you FUCK ME HARDER, we can make the table creak, that would be loud."

Remus nodded, and grabbed Sirius' hips for purchase before beginning to pound him into the table. Sirius began to growl low in his throat as he usually did, which, while incredibly sexy and a big turn-on for Remus, was not to the point for this occasion. "Sirius, louder than that. GOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD, PADFOOT!"

"OH, SO GOOD, OH YES YES. Is that loud enough?"

"I'm not that loud on the full moon, so yes." He grinned as he got into the spirit of the thing. "I LOVE TO FUCK THAT ARSE!"

"OH, YOU ANIMAL! YOUR HAND, I NEED YOUR HAND! I do, actually, if you could."

"Of course, happy to oblige," Remus said, sliding one hand around to firmly stroke Sirius' cock in rhythm with his thrusting. "SO CLOSE, I'M SO CLOSE!"

Sirius looked up, at the door, and saw that it was very, very slightly ajar. But the peekers must have seen him, as the door quickly slipped shut. He bit his lip to keep from laughing, then closed his eyes, concentrating on Remus. "DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, SO GOOD!" was all he could manage at this point.

"NEVER, I'LL NEVER STOP!" Remus' thrusting became more forceful but more erratic, losing his rhythm, which Sirius knew was a sure sign he was almost there.

He was actually nearly there himself. "HARDER, HARDER, MAKE ME COME!" he shouted, and Remus shifted slightly and began a steady assault on Sirius' prostate.




Then Sirius shouted, "REMUS, YES! YES! YES!" and came onto Remus' hand and the towel beneath him.

Remus quickly slipped his hand away and began thrusting even harder into Sirius, really grinding his spent body into the table, which was making the most amazing creaking noises. Then, "SIRIUS! AURGH!" and he collapsed atop his lover.

They lay there together, catching their breath, then Remus stood back up and took another towel, dampened it, and cleaned himself and Sirius, who then stood up, pushed his robes back down, and lifted the towel from the table.

A raven-haired, bespectacled head appeared in the doorway. "Okay! We get it! We'll use the charm from now on, we promise!" His face was pink with embarrassment. Seeing that the men were decent, he pushed the door open a bit wider and Hermione stepped in; she, too, was blushing furiously.

Sirius and Remus looked from the young couple to each other, and nodded. Then Sirius put the soiled towels down the laundry chute.

"Right . . . how about some tea?" Remus said.

Date: 2003-06-26 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You are going to think me the biggest sap ever but I nearly started crying halfway through this thing. I didn't realise how much I missed everyone from EWFS. Does that sound too sad for words? I can't wait to see how the sequel develops.

Date: 2003-06-27 06:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I didn't realise how much I missed everyone from EWFS.

Me too! And I'm encouraged that people seem to want a sequel.

You will have a front row seat darling, of course. Couldn't do it without you. Working on it this weekend, in fact.

Date: 2003-06-26 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Tumbuddy writes adorable slash. *snugs*

Date: 2003-06-27 05:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Dude, so many smut cutaways for you. I predict that I'll finish DT, when it's done, and write nothing but that for like, a month.

Date: 2003-06-27 12:33 am (UTC)
moony: (Default)
From: [personal profile] moony


I think I love you.


Date: 2003-06-27 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You KNOW you do, baby. :D

*wanders off to work on FQF fic*

Date: 2003-06-27 04:34 am (UTC)
morganmuffle: (Default)
From: [personal profile] morganmuffle
Sirius and Remus were absolutely classic here, I loved the quieter comments during their "performance" I've missed the EWFS bunch so much, time for a reread I feel.

Date: 2003-06-27 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks so much! That's very encouraging as I sit myself down to work on the sequel!

Date: 2003-06-27 07:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hilarious! I particularly liked the difference between the really loud comments (almost said 'ejaculations'...) vs. the quieter comments. And their plan worked, too—I was halfway expecting someone entirely different to show up and embarrass them all to pieces...

Date: 2003-06-27 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks! You know, I didn't think of that . . .

Tonks: "Don't you two EVER stop?"

Though you know, I bet they wouldn't be all that embarrassed.

Date: 2003-06-27 11:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have got such a case of giggles from reading this and cannot seem to stop. I love the side conversation. I also love how you write Remus and Sirius, but then, you already knew that. <3

Date: 2003-06-27 02:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
EDIT - I finally realized what I was reminded of when reading this! It's akin to the fight scene in Disney’s The Reluctant Dragon ( In it, a friendly dragon and knight agree to stage a fight for various reasons. During the course of the "fight" they work their way into a cave. Once inside, they proceed to have a very civilized teatime picnic, but are sure to make all sorts of horrible and loud noises so that the townspeople outside believe that they're fighting to the death.

Date: 2003-06-27 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dearheart, I'm just glad I could give you some giggles.


Date: 2003-06-28 10:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Nothing better in the world than laughter. :)

*hugs* thank you for posting this

Date: 2003-06-27 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh-my-god! That was so lovely, I loved every single part of it! But I have one question, what is EWFS?

Date: 2003-06-27 05:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That's just an abbreviation for my story Eight Ways from Sunday, which can be found at Diagon Alley and at Fiction Alley-Schnoogle under the name Clio, or through the website link here on my LJ

Thank you so much! :D

Date: 2003-06-27 02:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, this ficlet was absoulutly adorable. I loved it. Go Sirius/Remus! It was sooo cute! :)

Date: 2003-06-27 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
totally go sirius/remus! And thanks so much!

Date: 2003-06-27 04:55 pm (UTC)
ext_7484: Erato_Original (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Yep. Still love it :) And I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one wating (not always so patiently) for more of the EWFS crew. *taps foot*


Date: 2003-06-27 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This weekend! Promise!


Date: 2003-06-28 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*giggles* I really liked that! Especially the end line, like they were all just sitting around chatting.

And of course, was most pleased to see it was Hermione Harry was fucking. *g*

Date: 2003-07-01 07:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ha! Thanks. I had actually been thinking about the story, and when I saw that end line in the Veela Famous Last Words challenge, I knew it would suit. And of course, Hermione!

Date: 2003-06-30 10:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*joins the queue of people waiting for more EWfS*

Babe, this is excellent. I love the little asides and commentary on the lack of volume... I NEED YOUR HAND! I do, actually, if you could.


Date: 2003-07-01 07:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks! I will endeavour to give you more, then.

Date: 2003-07-02 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dude, you made *me* blush. That poor, poor table! :)

Date: 2003-07-06 08:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Butcher block. VERY sturdy.

You know, I think I've even seen you blush, but wow, quite an achievement. Thanks again for the line, babe.

Date: 2003-09-16 08:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
this had me HOWLING...I was afraid that if i laughed any louder, my residents would come into my room and ask me what i was doing...

Which is REALLY apropriate, given the subject...

Date: 2004-01-11 11:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hahah! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

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