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the_water_clockAuthor: Clio
Title: The Field Equations of Gravitation
Pairing: American Idol: Simon Cowell/Ryan Seacrest
Rating: PG
Summary: In which Ryan reminds Simon that missing someone is better than not having someone to miss.
Length: 900 words.
Disclaimer: People sort of own themselves, don't they? Which means this is a work of fiction.
Notes: This is for![[livejournal.com profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dollsome, for two reasons. One, I've written a lot of porn lately, which isn't exactly her thing, and two, she always posts when Simon is on Ryan's morning show. Kinda fluffy but hopefully also funny. A totally unbeta'd casual little piece about what happened after Simon called Ryan "darling" on his radio show last week.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 9:15amPDT/5:15pmBST:
ha u cld me darlin on air. u owe me now!
Text, Simon to Ryan, 9:20amPDT/5:20pmBST:
bloody hell. call me later.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 10:25amPDT/6:25pmBST:
ansr yr phone bitch
Text, Simon to Ryan, 10:30amPDT/6:30pmBST:
stuck at drinks with xfactor team. am not your bitch.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 10:32amPDT/6:32pm BST:
my bitch til u call me back lady
Text, Simon to Ryan, 12:37pmPDT/8:37pmBST:
answer your phone yourself tart
Text, Ryan to Simon 12:45pmPDT/8:45pmBST:
rec news v/o. will call in hr.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 12:50pmPDT/8:50pmBST:
why do we even try to talk during your workday?
Text, Ryan to Simon 1:02pm PDT/9:02pmBST:
don't pick a fight. will call in 45.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:03pmPDT/9:03pmBST:
just call at usual time after show.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:05pmPDT/9:05pmBST:
no, that's for sex. will call in 40.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:10pmPDT/9:10pmBST:
this call isn't for sex? no need to call otherwise
Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:12pmPDT/9:12pmBST:
CANCELLED LUNCH MEETING 2 TALK 2 U. STOP BEING JACKASS.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:15pmPDT/9:15pmBST:
no need to shout. will await your call.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:20pmPDT/9:20pmBST:
alright will call in 25.
"Hello."
"Hey. You home?"
"Yeah. Wait, are you eating?"
"Yeah."
"While you're on the phone to me?"
"Yeah."
"Bit rude."
"Simon, what part of cancelled my lunch meeting do you not understand?"
"Fine. What are you having?"
"A cobb salad."
"Ryan, you've had a cobb salad every weekday for three weeks."
"I like them, and they make a healthy one."
"How?"
"Chicken breast, roasted corn, turkey bacon, goat cheese and avocado are good fats, low fat dressing."
"Oh GOD. Are you at least having a cookie?"
"Yeah, I'm having a cookie."
"All right then."
"So. What's the problem?"
"What problem?"
"You slipped on air, you tried to pick a fight with me, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Simon. We have about 35 minutes left before I have to look at rough cuts. You are the manliest man I know, you hate talking about your feelings. I get it. But this is me, and I love you, so tell me what the problem is."
"Glamour magazine had a luncheon yesterday for their Top Sexy British Men issue."
"Oh? And how did you get invited?"
"Ha-ha. Anyway, Hugh Grant was there."
"You know, you only see him when I'm not with you. Are you cheating on me with him?"
"Er, no."
"Or maybe we're secretly the same person."
"Er, no.
"Because I'm hotter, right?"
"Well, I'd rather fuck you than fuck him."
"Thank you, darlin'."
"Can I go on now?"
"Please."
"Well, I did think of you when I saw him."
"Yeah? Because I'm hotter?"
"Er, no. I remembered watching all those movies with you."
"Right."
"And how you would lay your head in my lap and wrap your hands around my thigh."
"Mmm, that was nice."
"And I would put my hand on your chest and stroke your hair and you would wag your tail like the little lap dog you are."
"Only for you, Simon."
"So I saw him and I thought of all that and … and I missed you."
"I miss you too. Why didn't you say something last night?"
"I thought just the sex would make me feel better."
"So that's why you were so bossy and demanding. I thought you had just been frustrated flirting with some boy and were taking it out on me."
"Which I do."
"I'd rather you do that than fuck them."
"But it didn't make me feel better. I called you to wake up this morning and your sleepy voice reminded me of when you would get up and try not to wake me, and you'd kiss me on the forehead before you left, or when I'd come to bed and you'd already be there trying to sleep and you'd reach out for me."
"I always slept better once you were in bed. I don't know why; it's not like you're a comforting fellow."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too."
"It's worse this year."
"Yeah. Africa."
"I can't imagine what that would have been without you.."
"A lot of things were said there."
"Yeah. Damnit!"
"What?"
"I'm in love with you."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"It isn't helpful when you're thousands of miles away."
"You're looking at it from the wrong end. Who tries to keep you from running amok?"
"You."
"Who cheers you on at go cart races?"
"You."
"Who can you take it out on when some young punk singer gets too flirty?"
"You."
"Who do you call when you're upset?"
"You."
"If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"
"I believe the correct answer there is 'Ghostbusters,' Ryan."
"Heh. So who makes you laugh?"
"You."
"I'm in love with you. Just hold on to that, okay?"
"Yeah."
"I've … gotta go look at these rough cuts. Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Looking forward to sex later."
"Me too. Watch the show—I'll have something for you on it."
"That's what satellites are for. Call me later."
"I'll talk to you later."
Text, Simon to Ryan, 4:02pmPDT/12:02amBST:
LOVE those jeans.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 4:11pmPDT/12:11amBST:
not wearing anything under them
Text, Simon to Ryan, 4:13pmPDT/12:13amBST:
You DO love me don't you
Text, Ryan to Simon, 4:20pmPDT/12:20amBST:
u know it
Title: The Field Equations of Gravitation
Pairing: American Idol: Simon Cowell/Ryan Seacrest
Rating: PG
Summary: In which Ryan reminds Simon that missing someone is better than not having someone to miss.
Length: 900 words.
Disclaimer: People sort of own themselves, don't they? Which means this is a work of fiction.
Notes: This is for
dollsome, for two reasons. One, I've written a lot of porn lately, which isn't exactly her thing, and two, she always posts when Simon is on Ryan's morning show. Kinda fluffy but hopefully also funny. A totally unbeta'd casual little piece about what happened after Simon called Ryan "darling" on his radio show last week.Text, Ryan to Simon, 9:15amPDT/5:15pmBST:
ha u cld me darlin on air. u owe me now!
Text, Simon to Ryan, 9:20amPDT/5:20pmBST:
bloody hell. call me later.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 10:25amPDT/6:25pmBST:
ansr yr phone bitch
Text, Simon to Ryan, 10:30amPDT/6:30pmBST:
stuck at drinks with xfactor team. am not your bitch.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 10:32amPDT/6:32pm BST:
my bitch til u call me back lady
Text, Simon to Ryan, 12:37pmPDT/8:37pmBST:
answer your phone yourself tart
Text, Ryan to Simon 12:45pmPDT/8:45pmBST:
rec news v/o. will call in hr.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 12:50pmPDT/8:50pmBST:
why do we even try to talk during your workday?
Text, Ryan to Simon 1:02pm PDT/9:02pmBST:
don't pick a fight. will call in 45.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:03pmPDT/9:03pmBST:
just call at usual time after show.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:05pmPDT/9:05pmBST:
no, that's for sex. will call in 40.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:10pmPDT/9:10pmBST:
this call isn't for sex? no need to call otherwise
Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:12pmPDT/9:12pmBST:
CANCELLED LUNCH MEETING 2 TALK 2 U. STOP BEING JACKASS.
Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:15pmPDT/9:15pmBST:
no need to shout. will await your call.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:20pmPDT/9:20pmBST:
alright will call in 25.
"Hello."
"Hey. You home?"
"Yeah. Wait, are you eating?"
"Yeah."
"While you're on the phone to me?"
"Yeah."
"Bit rude."
"Simon, what part of cancelled my lunch meeting do you not understand?"
"Fine. What are you having?"
"A cobb salad."
"Ryan, you've had a cobb salad every weekday for three weeks."
"I like them, and they make a healthy one."
"How?"
"Chicken breast, roasted corn, turkey bacon, goat cheese and avocado are good fats, low fat dressing."
"Oh GOD. Are you at least having a cookie?"
"Yeah, I'm having a cookie."
"All right then."
"So. What's the problem?"
"What problem?"
"You slipped on air, you tried to pick a fight with me, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Simon. We have about 35 minutes left before I have to look at rough cuts. You are the manliest man I know, you hate talking about your feelings. I get it. But this is me, and I love you, so tell me what the problem is."
"Glamour magazine had a luncheon yesterday for their Top Sexy British Men issue."
"Oh? And how did you get invited?"
"Ha-ha. Anyway, Hugh Grant was there."
"You know, you only see him when I'm not with you. Are you cheating on me with him?"
"Er, no."
"Or maybe we're secretly the same person."
"Er, no.
"Because I'm hotter, right?"
"Well, I'd rather fuck you than fuck him."
"Thank you, darlin'."
"Can I go on now?"
"Please."
"Well, I did think of you when I saw him."
"Yeah? Because I'm hotter?"
"Er, no. I remembered watching all those movies with you."
"Right."
"And how you would lay your head in my lap and wrap your hands around my thigh."
"Mmm, that was nice."
"And I would put my hand on your chest and stroke your hair and you would wag your tail like the little lap dog you are."
"Only for you, Simon."
"So I saw him and I thought of all that and … and I missed you."
"I miss you too. Why didn't you say something last night?"
"I thought just the sex would make me feel better."
"So that's why you were so bossy and demanding. I thought you had just been frustrated flirting with some boy and were taking it out on me."
"Which I do."
"I'd rather you do that than fuck them."
"But it didn't make me feel better. I called you to wake up this morning and your sleepy voice reminded me of when you would get up and try not to wake me, and you'd kiss me on the forehead before you left, or when I'd come to bed and you'd already be there trying to sleep and you'd reach out for me."
"I always slept better once you were in bed. I don't know why; it's not like you're a comforting fellow."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too."
"It's worse this year."
"Yeah. Africa."
"I can't imagine what that would have been without you.."
"A lot of things were said there."
"Yeah. Damnit!"
"What?"
"I'm in love with you."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"It isn't helpful when you're thousands of miles away."
"You're looking at it from the wrong end. Who tries to keep you from running amok?"
"You."
"Who cheers you on at go cart races?"
"You."
"Who can you take it out on when some young punk singer gets too flirty?"
"You."
"Who do you call when you're upset?"
"You."
"If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"
"I believe the correct answer there is 'Ghostbusters,' Ryan."
"Heh. So who makes you laugh?"
"You."
"I'm in love with you. Just hold on to that, okay?"
"Yeah."
"I've … gotta go look at these rough cuts. Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Looking forward to sex later."
"Me too. Watch the show—I'll have something for you on it."
"That's what satellites are for. Call me later."
"I'll talk to you later."
Text, Simon to Ryan, 4:02pmPDT/12:02amBST:
LOVE those jeans.
Text, Ryan to Simon, 4:11pmPDT/12:11amBST:
not wearing anything under them
Text, Simon to Ryan, 4:13pmPDT/12:13amBST:
You DO love me don't you
Text, Ryan to Simon, 4:20pmPDT/12:20amBST:
u know it
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 01:13 am (UTC)this is still cracking me up, because, hey, ryan, join the club, we meet on this planet.
but on to the fic! i agree with the comment above about simon's refusal to use textspeak- it's so very him, a perfect detail. and i just love how you make all-dialogue look easy. most of all i love how they never let up- this back-and-forth so clearly IS their comfort.
"If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"
"I believe the correct answer there is 'Ghostbusters,' Ryan."
"Heh. So who makes you laugh?"
"You."
fav bit, though it's hard to pick.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-01 12:58 am (UTC)The all dialogue IS actually easier for them, especially after all the drabbles. And it's the only way to keep them from fucking to be honest.
most of all i love how they never let up- this back-and-forth so clearly IS their comfort.
I never thought about it, until you said that, how much they're like a classic romcom couple, like Hildy and Walter from His Girl Friday.
hi, this is awesome, your comments on my fics! yay!