FIC: The Field Equations of Gravitation (AI: Ryan/Simon, PG)

[the_water_clock]

Author: Clio
Title: The Field Equations of Gravitation
Pairing: American Idol: Simon Cowell/Ryan Seacrest
Rating: PG
Summary: In which Ryan reminds Simon that missing someone is better than not having someone to miss.
Length: 900 words.
Disclaimer: People sort of own themselves, don't they? Which means this is a work of fiction.
Notes: This is for dollsome, for two reasons. One, I've written a lot of porn lately, which isn't exactly her thing, and two, she always posts when Simon is on Ryan's morning show. Kinda fluffy but hopefully also funny. A totally unbeta'd casual little piece about what happened after Simon called Ryan "darling" on his radio show last week.

---

Text, Ryan to Simon, 9:15amPDT/5:15pmBST:
ha u cld me darlin on air. u owe me now!

Text, Simon to Ryan, 9:20amPDT/5:20pmBST:
bloody hell. call me later.

Text, Ryan to Simon, 10:25amPDT/6:25pmBST:
ansr yr phone bitch

Text, Simon to Ryan, 10:30amPDT/6:30pmBST:
stuck at drinks with xfactor team. am not your bitch.

Text, Ryan to Simon, 10:32amPDT/6:32pm BST:
my bitch til u call me back lady

Text, Simon to Ryan, 12:37pmPDT/8:37pmBST:
answer your phone yourself tart

Text, Ryan to Simon 12:45pmPDT/8:45pmBST:
rec news v/o. will call in hr.

Text, Simon to Ryan, 12:50pmPDT/8:50pmBST:
why do we even try to talk during your workday?

Text, Ryan to Simon 1:02pm PDT/9:02pmBST:
don't pick a fight. will call in 45.

Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:03pmPDT/9:03pmBST:
just call at usual time after show.

Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:05pmPDT/9:05pmBST:
no, that's for sex. will call in 40.

Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:10pmPDT/9:10pmBST:
this call isn't for sex? no need to call otherwise

Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:12pmPDT/9:12pmBST:
CANCELLED LUNCH MEETING 2 TALK 2 U. STOP BEING JACKASS.

Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:15pmPDT/9:15pmBST:
no need to shout. will await your call.

Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:20pmPDT/9:20pmBST:
alright will call in 25.


"Hello."
"Hey. You home?"
"Yeah. Wait, are you eating?"
"Yeah."
"While you're on the phone to me?"
"Yeah."
"Bit rude."
"Simon, what part of cancelled my lunch meeting do you not understand?"
"Fine. What are you having?"
"A cobb salad."
"Ryan, you've had a cobb salad every weekday for three weeks."
"I like them, and they make a healthy one."
"How?"
"Chicken breast, roasted corn, turkey bacon, goat cheese and avocado are good fats, low fat dressing."
"Oh GOD. Are you at least having a cookie?"
"Yeah, I'm having a cookie."
"All right then."
"So. What's the problem?"
"What problem?"
"You slipped on air, you tried to pick a fight with me, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Simon. We have about 35 minutes left before I have to look at rough cuts. You are the manliest man I know, you hate talking about your feelings. I get it. But this is me, and I love you, so tell me what the problem is."
"Glamour magazine had a luncheon yesterday for their Top Sexy British Men issue."
"Oh? And how did you get invited?"
"Ha-ha. Anyway, Hugh Grant was there."
"You know, you only see him when I'm not with you. Are you cheating on me with him?"
"Er, no."
"Or maybe we're secretly the same person."
"Er, no.
"Because I'm hotter, right?"
"Well, I'd rather fuck you than fuck him."
"Thank you, darlin'."
"Can I go on now?"
"Please."
"Well, I did think of you when I saw him."
"Yeah? Because I'm hotter?"
"Er, no. I remembered watching all those movies with you."
"Right."
"And how you would lay your head in my lap and wrap your hands around my thigh."
"Mmm, that was nice."
"And I would put my hand on your chest and stroke your hair and you would wag your tail like the little lap dog you are."
"Only for you, Simon."
"So I saw him and I thought of all that and … and I missed you."
"I miss you too. Why didn't you say something last night?"
"I thought just the sex would make me feel better."
"So that's why you were so bossy and demanding. I thought you had just been frustrated flirting with some boy and were taking it out on me."
"Which I do."
"I'd rather you do that than fuck them."
"But it didn't make me feel better. I called you to wake up this morning and your sleepy voice reminded me of when you would get up and try not to wake me, and you'd kiss me on the forehead before you left, or when I'd come to bed and you'd already be there trying to sleep and you'd reach out for me."
"I always slept better once you were in bed. I don't know why; it's not like you're a comforting fellow."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too."
"It's worse this year."
"Yeah. Africa."
"I can't imagine what that would have been without you.."
"A lot of things were said there."
"Yeah. Damnit!"
"What?"
"I'm in love with you."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"It isn't helpful when you're thousands of miles away."
"You're looking at it from the wrong end. Who tries to keep you from running amok?"
"You."
"Who cheers you on at go cart races?"
"You."
"Who can you take it out on when some young punk singer gets too flirty?"
"You."
"Who do you call when you're upset?"
"You."
"If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"
"I believe the correct answer there is 'Ghostbusters,' Ryan."
"Heh. So who makes you laugh?"
"You."
"I'm in love with you. Just hold on to that, okay?"
"Yeah."
"I've … gotta go look at these rough cuts. Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Looking forward to sex later."
"Me too. Watch the show—I'll have something for you on it."
"That's what satellites are for. Call me later."
"I'll talk to you later."


Text, Simon to Ryan, 4:02pmPDT/12:02amBST:
LOVE those jeans.

Text, Ryan to Simon, 4:11pmPDT/12:11amBST:
not wearing anything under them

Text, Simon to Ryan, 4:13pmPDT/12:13amBST:
You DO love me don't you

Text, Ryan to Simon, 4:20pmPDT/12:20amBST:
u know it

---

Comments

[ali-wildgoose.livejournal.com]

I continue to love how your semi-stalkerish ways lend such a FABULOUS touch of context to fics like these. Also: AWWWWWWWWWWWW <3

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I had this cobb salad at lunch on Friday with Heidi over at that brasserie behind Bloomingdale's and now I'm obsessed with it and I want to make it and eat it all the time this summer. I think it will be my salad of the summer.

I love these two because this is what they do: they have long conversations in my head like this. But woe, am I really a semi-stalker?

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

Oh god, flaily cuteness! This is completely adorable, and also completely awesome. I have to admit that most of the time I can't handle the porn either, so I was very happy to see this on my flist, as I LOVE it when you write Rymon.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Honest, I don't just write porn for my other pairings! I wrote a whole novel-length HP story with no porn! But everything Ryan and Simon do is just so dripping with sex and inuendo that the only way I can keep their pants on is by putting them on separate continents, apparently. But they are so adorable, too, and so entirely ridiculous that how can you not love them, and love how what they love about each other is that the other is as entirely ridiculous as they are?

I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks so much!

[lessthangreat.livejournal.com]

Oh yay for cutesy fluffy happiness! XD

"Who can you take it out on when some young punk singer gets too flirty?"
"You."

Was that a reference to Blake? Or am I just paranoid? :-P

Text, Ryan to Simon, 1:12pmPDT/9:12pmBST:
CANCELLED LUNCH MEETING 2 TALK 2 U. STOP BEING JACKASS.

Text, Simon to Ryan, 1:15pmPDT/9:15pmBST:
no need to shout.

That literally made me laugh out loud just because...it's text messaging. Leave it to Simon and Ryan to actually have a potential fight over text messages, ROFL.

Love! XD ♥

[jlh.livejournal.com]

No, haha, just a reference to a random kid that might be in his office being cheeky for some reason.

Well, Ryan did tell him to not pick a fight, and when Simon gets all irritable he sort of doesn't care who catches it. He needs so much handling, that Simon.

Thank you so much!

[locumtenens.livejournal.com]

Awww, adorable.

I kind of love that Ryan uses netspeak, but that Simon obviously refuses to do so. I'm sure he sees it as uncouth. :D

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Where there is predictive texting there is no reason not to use proper English! Ryan actually said on his show that he likes texting all day rather than calling but that girls don't seem to understand and always want you to call, which I found hilarious.

Thanks!

[toastoos.livejournal.com]

*squee!* More Rymon! You're spoiling us!

Aww, that was just so squishy and nice.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

They just continue to give me "canon" even though the show isn't on! It's insane. Last night I happened to be watching E!News, which I almost never do because it's annoying, and someone was yammering about male style and talking about the guys in Ocean's 13, blah blah, and then rounded it up by talking about Ryan's own style, and they showed him you know, on a red carpet, someplace else, and then with Simon for no reason. Simon was just there, with the entourage, like they were on a date or something. They are killing me!

[toastoos.livejournal.com]

haha, that's fantastic!

[dana-kujan.livejournal.com]

You do their "voices" so, so well. Even the texting was "in character"! Of course, Ryan would use all the abbrevs.

::loves on you::

You even write sexy non-porn!!

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I should have said this was for you, too, as I totally get the whole OTP thing, and I will say that half the reason I wrote that other story (other than that Ryan was screaming in my ear, "Let me fuck Blake? Please?" and it's like, all right already, sheesh) was that poor Ryan isn't always treated well in Cakefic and I was all, HEY! Ryan is ridiculous and that is why he is AMAZING! And Simon is not scary he is SEXY! And they are actually so in love that it drips from their very pores, even while they are having fun group sex! And I even made some converts to the awesomeness that is Rymon, so there you go.

Dude, the sexy comes from them. They are always so on the verge of making out that the only way I can keep their pants on is to put them on separate continents. I sit here and listen to them talking to each other on the radio and it all writes itself. But thank you so much!

::loves on you and your general awesomeness::

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

!!!

Oh, man, you are the best, and this is the best too! Everything is so perfect, with the texting and Simon refusing to lower himself to netspeak and Ryan's cobb salad and Hugh Grant movie marathons (which are a thing of TRUTH and ACTUAL EXISTENCE) and just AWWWWW. Completely lovely and delightful. :D

[jlh.livejournal.com]

If you hadn't posted about that conversation this fic wouldn't have happened, so it's all you, baby!

The cobb salad is one I had last week and am now obsessed with making for myself and I could see how with one small change (the turkey bacon, and I'm doing that too) it would be so the sort of low cal thing Ryan would eat, and we're similarly like, borderline food issues with our need to eat one thing in the same way for weeks and weeks. Especially after listening to him go on and on about salsa at the Del Taco on the radio.

I am SO GLAD that you liked it. They're just so sexy all the time that the only way I can keep them out of each other's pants is to put them on separate continents, apparently. They are so ADORABLE and you feed my addiction lady, so of course I have to feed it right back! Thank YOU!

[xcandy-loverx.livejournal.com]

Omg this is so amazing!

i LOVE it. Rymon is one of my favorite couples =D

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Thank you! They're totally one of my favorites, too. More Rymon love yay!

[best-of-five.livejournal.com]

OMG! after all those poignant moments in the other fic, this one is just like a giant,squishy, fluffy hug. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! you're amazing!

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm really pleased with how this one came out, so I'm so glad that you like it!

btw, who is that in your icon?

[best-of-five.livejournal.com]

that's roger federer and rafael nadal from last year's wimbledon :)

[lillijulianne.livejournal.com]

(other than that Ryan was screaming in my ear, "Let me fuck Blake? Please?" and it's like, all right already, sheesh)

this is still cracking me up, because, hey, ryan, join the club, we meet on this planet.

but on to the fic! i agree with the comment above about simon's refusal to use textspeak- it's so very him, a perfect detail. and i just love how you make all-dialogue look easy. most of all i love how they never let up- this back-and-forth so clearly IS their comfort.

"If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"
"I believe the correct answer there is 'Ghostbusters,' Ryan."
"Heh. So who makes you laugh?"
"You."

fav bit, though it's hard to pick.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Simon actually mostly wants Chris, but Simon is a devious bastard in that way. More on that later.

The all dialogue IS actually easier for them, especially after all the drabbles. And it's the only way to keep them from fucking to be honest.

most of all i love how they never let up- this back-and-forth so clearly IS their comfort.
I never thought about it, until you said that, how much they're like a classic romcom couple, like Hildy and Walter from His Girl Friday.

hi, this is awesome, your comments on my fics! yay!

[strawberrytatoo.livejournal.com]

D'awwwwww!

Also, your Simon voice made me laugh so hard, priceless!

*glee*

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I love grouchy!Simon, whether on air or in fic.

Thank you!